I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
