I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
