We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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