Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize