everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
