you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
