Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
