By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
