I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Randomize
