i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
