I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
