bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
