Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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