The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
