maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
