I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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