just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
