one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
