But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Porn is love you can see.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
