Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
