I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize