we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
