I can text with my tongue
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
