I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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