Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
