i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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