I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
