my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
