i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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