: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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