No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
