Is it because I queefed?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
