when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
