If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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