After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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