I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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