Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
