Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
