Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
