I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sober January is a disaster.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
