i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
