in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
