im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
