Your mouth is God's brothel.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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