Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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