i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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