The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
