That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
