First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
