my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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