I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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