If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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