your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
