What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
