Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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