i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
