My first STD was from a foam party
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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