He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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