the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
