i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we're so committed to being not committed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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