Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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